Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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