I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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