remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
