Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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