Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Girls should come with a carfax report
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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