the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
