i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I supernannyed him into submission
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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