i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
