Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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