My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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