hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
