honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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