Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
