Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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