When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
