the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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