I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
