How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
