6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
