i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
