YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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