Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
