You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
