I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
