I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
