I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
