im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize