if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
