so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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