I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
