Sacagawea was the original milf.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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