Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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