please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
