dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
