her facebook's as public as her vagina
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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