dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
