I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize