Joe is yelling at the trees again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
