John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
