im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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