I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
