When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
