I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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