You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
