i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize