remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize