If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
soo... how was my night?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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