Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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