I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
