you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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