Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
