if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
