oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
