nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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