Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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