so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
