So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
