No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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