I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
