I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
