Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
