He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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