i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
