oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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