you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
