jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
