Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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