I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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