you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
this is an emotional support booty call
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
