I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize