I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
