Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
