C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
