everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
