just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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