I will die if light touches me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
