why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
