Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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