if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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