im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
