I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
