I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
