tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
