all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
