oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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