The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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