I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
