Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize