i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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