Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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