dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
