i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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