Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
