thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
