don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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