We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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