I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
